What's that BURNING smell...!?

Well I'll be damned. A year and ten days after I quit my job to travel, here I am...in exactly the same position. Well, kind of.



On my way to work yesterday, I spent the bus ride building a prioritized list of tasks that I was going to accomplish throughout the day. Ideas for drumming up new business, new takes on my sales pitch, and ideas on ways to close sales that were continuously moving out to the right. I'd been through this exercise before, but still had no problem meeting the challenge head-on...day-in and day-out. I hadn't slept well in several weeks, but I had enough fire behind me to keep pushing until things broke loose. I mean, it's only a matter of time, right?



Well, time ran out at 9:33 yesterday morning.



I should have known something was up when the receptionist asked how my weekend was...she NEVER does that. "We always exchange pleasantries and I continue on to my office...why should today be any different," I thought to myself. We chatted for a few minutes and as I headed into my office, I noticed a group of employees waving folders at me. They had all been notified that they were laid off...I glanced back at the receptionist's desk: she had one too. Crap. This ain't good.



Over the next ten minutes, HR walked me through my NDA, COBRA, and unemployment benefit details. They explained my four days of severance pay (yikes) and had me sign something that (probably) said I'd been read my rights and wouldn't sue (or something...I really don't know). When I got back to my desk, the first thing I thought of was to pull up CNN.com and see what else was happening in the world. Here's a screenshot (if it's too small for you to read, the headline says "Dow, S&P end at lowest level since 1997...as investors can't shake worries about the economy."):



Wow. Not real encouraging...

So, here I am. I figured I'd take the day off, compose myself, get some much-needed rest, and hit the ground running in a couple of days.

So why the hell did I get out of bed earlier than I NORMALLY would for work!? Why did I sleep even less than I have been over the past couple weeks? Am I stressed about the prospect of being unemployed? Is it because I realized that this is the toughest job market I've ever faced.

Surprisingly, none of the above. Maybe it just hasn't "sunk in" quite yet, but I feel GOOD! Don't know how, but somebody snuck in and lit a fire under my ass last night. I've got some business ideas to look into, job leads that have been forwarded by friends, and above all, time to actually think straight. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job and if it were possible, I'd go back in a heartbeat. But...I'm not going to sit around and see if that will happen. Time to make something happen...it's about to get interesting...

Even Indiana Jones has to know when to hang up the whip...

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything here, but it’s not for lack of events to write about. Against the wishes and will of my friends and family, I started a new job in Seattle. It’s been nearly three weeks and I’m really enjoying everything about it. The company is called Morse Best Innovation and they provide marketing services to technology companies such as Amazon.com, Intel, Sprint, and (of course) Microsoft.

Now, before I tell you the kicker, let me first say that I’ve appreciated the praise bestowed upon me by those of you out there who have said you were living vicariously through me on my adventures through Central America. Having said that, I fully understand if you are to retract those statements when you learn exactly what it is that I do for employment and who I do it for. Heroes, too, must one day die.

So, having said that, you should know that the account I manage for Morse Best is…none other than…Microsoft. And you wanna know something even WORSE!!? I’m really looking forward to it. I know, I know. You’re asking yourself “But PAT!!!! What about being chased by crocodiles in a kayak? Watching monkeys in the jungle!? Diving with sharks off the coast of Nicaragua and hiking volcanoes!? What did your parents do to deserve this sort of rebellion!?”

Contrary to popular belief, this is actually a decision I made independent of the fact that my parents never gave me that go-kart for Christmas (that event was addressed with a tongue piercing in college). During my travels, I realized that I really enjoy talking with people – and believe it or not, MOST of them were open to talking to me, too. I have a certain (if not fairly unique) ability to not only talk to people, but listen as well. I took this job because it allows me to do just that. I’m in sales and my job is to work with groups at Microsoft to help them use creative approaches to marketing to diagnose and treat problems they’re experiencing.
Never having worked on a commission basis, it’s a change, for sure, but the job itself feels quite natural. As my mom noted yesterday on the phone, I was in college the first time I received a report card that didn’t say “talking in class disrupts the learning of others.” Now I get paid to do it. Go figure.

So that’s what’s happening with me. I’ve vowed to continue writing, though subjects are admittedly more challenging to come up with when you’re not faced with new sights and sounds every day. I don’t know where this job will lead, but at least for the next couple of months, the adventure continues on.

You Work, I'll Travel.

Rick, you're absolutely right.

Tonight, Rod was on the phone with his cousin, Rick Mines of Gillette, WY, when I heard them discussing the BIG EVENT coming up this Wednesday. That day marks the "end" of my little adventure away from Seattle. When informed of this, Rick replied quite simply..."Why?"

Well, that's a great question (and one that has come up from many of you who have read this blog/journal/collection of rants over the past seven months). A countless number of you have contacted me and told me that you love the decisions I've made. Many of you have said that you wish you had the opportunity to take a little time out and have an adventure of your own. I've been told to forget Corporate America, that my future should be in writing. You've said that you not only love what I've done, but that I should keep going and NEVER get a job.

Well, I think you're absolutely right.

That's why I'm setting up a foundation called KP-FART (Keep Pat From a Regular Trade) to accept your donations. I figure that if each of you out there contributes a measly 5% of your pre-tax (that part is important) income, I could continue my journeys and provide you with some weekly reading material. Think it over...let me know what you think.

While I collect responses (and bank account numbers) I've pulled a couple of work options together. The week following my return, I have two interviews scheduled and have a couple other options on the horizon. "Options" is truly the name of the game at this point. It's not entirely clear what I want to do if I grow up, so I see myself continuing down the path of finding something a little closer to "ideal" than what I had before. I guess, in theory, that's what we're all doing.

A very lucky few have found a job that they truly love. We all know those people...they can be found saying things like "I have the best job in the world" and "I can't believe they pay me to do this." I consider myself one who has embarked on the journey to discover the job that makes me say those things. I'm neither bitter nor lazy - I guess I'm just not satisfied with the term "working for the weekend."

I intend to continue writing about the trials, tribulations, and trivialties I encounter. I'll post these writings here, though I do not currently know the frequency with which I'll be doing so...we'll see how much material I come across as a Wal-Mart greeter.

Thank you all for the words of support you've provided over the past seven months. It's been what has kept me pushing forward. Rather than the end of a chapter in my life, I see this as the closing of the prelude. I'll see you at the beginning of Chapter 1.

Story Update: Sludge

Well, Rod and I made unknowingly made our way into the annals of history back in July. If you'll remember, we spent several days hauling sludge in Rock Springs (see Sludge). It's been almost a month since we finished the work and even now, when walking within twenty feet of the equipment used on the job, one's greeted by the overpowering aroma of treated sewage.

Well, I guess Rod and I weren't the only ones who were able to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Check out the front page of the Rock Springs Rocket Miner from last week:

I've spent the past three weeks between Montana and Seattle visiting family and friends and am now back on the farm for one more month. We've got one field of alfalfa and two fields of barley to contend with in that time. We're laying low today because it rained all night and then snowed for about an hour this morning. Nothing stuck, but it's pretty much a mess out there right now.

In addition to farm work, I'm spending a bit more time these days looking more seriously at finding a job. I'd really like to find a contract position that would provide me with a high degree of freedom - both in my physical work location as well as the hours involved. The further along I go down this path, the less interested I am in sitting at a desk every day for the rest of my life. I'm well aware that any job I take will involve some time behind a computer, but I'm hoping to eventually find something that enables me to get out part of the time (and I don't mean walking between buildings for meetings). My friends have suggested I look at either sales or a career in writing, both of which interest me and I'm looking into further.

One step at a time...and I think my next step will most likely be outside to load a horse trailer with hay.

Anybody need gum?

I dipped my big toe in the labor pool this past week and got nothing but the chills. I had some extra time while in MT, so I took advantage of a new skill I mastered while in Latin America. Namely: lying in a hammock. Laptop fired up, I settled in for the hunt for that perfect job.

I started out by visiting the big job sites: Monster.com and Hotjobs.com. Leaving the keyword box blank, my Hotjobs search returned 118 results for marketing positions in the Seattle area. Here are a few of my favorite job blurbs:

1. Top Performers Needed - Manager/Sales Manager/Broker/Realtor/Sales/Auto Sales Manager - I was completely confused by this one...from the description, I don't have a clue why anyone would even click on this. The company listed next to the job title was: $13.8 Million paid in commissions in 54 weeks! Earn $3,000 to $5,000 per week! Didn't I feel stupid! I had no idea that manager-sales manager-broker-realtor-sales-auto sales managers made such good money! I'll be emailing Gonzaga shortly to inform them that the business school needs to add a new concentration.

2. King County Police Officer How this is considered "marketing" is beyond me. The basics of marketing are often cited as the 4 p's: Product, Place, Price, Promotion. I have a feeling that if I walked in and provided the sargent with a market analysis focusing on the 4 P's of speeding tickets, I'd end up spending a few days a padded cell with matching silver bracelets on my wrists. (Anybody have a good promotion idea to increase speeding tickets?)

3. *Fun!*New!*Hot! Earn $10,000/Month Processing Wellness Gum Orders From Your Computer! Start Today! This one proved just too much for me and I clicked through to check out the description. There, I learned that there is no selling involved, and no computer experience is required to make up to $120K per year "from [my] home computer selling the hottest gum products on the internet today!" I was promised that I could "be [my] own boss in the multi-billion dollar gum and wellness industry." Finally! The opportunity to crack into the gum and wellness industry that I've always been looking for! I again clicked through to discover more fascinating details of my future career.

Interestingly, though the company was listed as "Ampark Wellness," I was redirected to http://www.isorotator.com/ and then again to http://www.ampark.com/dgail985. I finally landed on a website with the header "Ampark Gum Company, Make Money Chewing Gum!" Intrigued about this amazing product, I dove into the website to learn more, but not before placing a call to the local Porsche dealership. I figure that one needs to look GOOD if they're to be taken seriously in the billion dollar gum and wellness industry!

My products are as follows:

Breast gum - get the size you desire without expensive surgery! Pat's translation: Remember those great juice filled pieces of gum you loved as a kid!? Well now it's back! But instead of juice, we've filled each piece with hormones and bullshit! YUM!

Hoodia gum - lose weight with powerful herbal ingredients! Pat's translation: The first gum clinically proven to give you uncontrollable diarrhea! YAY!

Virility gum - increase your male sexual desire & please your woman! Pat's translation: As proven by Tom Cruise in Top Gun, chicks dig dudes chewing gum! Made to taste like dirt so you THINK there are some special herbs involved, our gum will have you looking like a fighter pilot instantly!

Stress gum - get rid of stress, anxiety, and depression! Pat's translation: Feeling stressed? Chomp down on some rubber until the pain in your jaw replaces the anxiety you feel due to overextending yourself on your mortgage, credit cards, and car payments! Proof of dental insurance required upon ordering.

Menopause gum - relieve symptoms and restore hormonal balance! Pat's translation: Guys: is your wife driving you crazy? Does she want you to spend more "quality time" with her? Does she say you work too much? Forget the flowers, buy her a gift that you can both enjoy! Note: Contains special herbal ingredients that will likely cause comatose-quality narcolepsy.

All I can say is "God Bless America." I'm not done looking into this...stay tuned for future updates including pictures of my new Porsche (yes, I've already ordered some stress gum to prepare for my impending doom.)

To work or NOT to work...IS that the question?

I've been spending more and more time thinking about work lately. I'm finding that my resume gets a lot of attention from people that I would rather didn't even look at it. I've gotten emails from insurance sales companies, network marketing representatives, some guy in Taiwan named Hong Seng that has $1M to invest and needs a smart American friend to help him do it, and even the HR department at Google.

The ONE place I thought sounded like something I'd be interested in was Big Mountain in Whitefish, MT. I applied for "Lift Operations Supervisor" and received a request for a resume from their HR department. After several rounds of correspondence with the HR rep, I decided to stop in and chat for a few minutes. She gave me the basic outline of the job and told me who I should go meet to get the inside scoop on things. I asked if she'd had any other applicants for the job and she replied that there were several, but nobody fit the position perfectly. She went on to tell me that "[they] even have a guy applying who lives in Seattle, has his MBA, and works for Microsoft!" Not knowing quite what to say and unsure of whether I really wanted her to finish that story, I just sat in stunned silence. She continued to say that "I don't have a clue why someone with that type of resume would want to live and work here in Whitefish. It's just crazy."

Now, the way I've come to take away from this conversation is as follows:

1. I don't look like somebody that comes from Seattle and/or Microsoft. I'm not sure how to take this...on one hand, I'm proud that I somehow buck the stereotype that people have in their minds, but on the other, I wonder if my first impression is really what I want to portray. Still investigating this one...having second thoughts on the facial tattoo I was looking into.

2. My resume reads a little TOO well for some jobs. I hadn't even thought about this one before, but I guess I need to tone it down for some jobs. I'm finding that as qualified as I am for a career as a desk monkey, people don't pay much attention to me when I apply to be a part-time snowboard instructor or bartender. Considering going back and revising the resume to only include "poo flinger" and "Spanish language student" as my most recent jobs. Might be a fun experiment...stay tuned.

The box I've drawn below was shown to me by my dad's business partner, Chuck Macadam. I found it extremely interesting and wanted to share it with you. The left side represents the number of years spent in a job. If you draw a horizontal line from the left through the box on the right, the portions of the triangles it intersects provides a model of the relative proportion each represents in your work life. For example, in the first year, it's all fun. At year 5, you're still having a lot of fun, but you are building knowledge and are working pretty hard. At 10 years, you've likely peaked in your knowledge, are working harder than you ever have before, and it's really not a lot of fun. As you continue through the years, the fun continues to wane, administrative duties take over, and your industry knowledge and hard work are fading into the past.

The challenge here is to figure out a way to figure out where you're happiest and then take steps to impact your model in the way you want. If I was to draw mine, I think it would look something like this:

The idea is to figure out a way to continue to have fun throughout your career while continuing to build your knowledge and work hard (or at least as hard as you want/need to in order to be fulfilled). My model isn't quite perfect - the administrative duties will always be there, but seem to have fallen off here - but I think it's pretty sound. I intend to not only refer to this when comparing future opportunities, but also want to look at it from time to time to make sure I'm not cheating myself. It's so easy to get stuck in a rut and feel like there's no way out. One's lifestyle starts to demand more out of every pay period, health benefits start to look better and better, stock options grow and vest annually...and all of a sudden it gets extremely difficult to admit you're not enjoying work and consider making a change.

But consider this: quitting your job isn't the only answer and I think this picture illustrates that. Are you truly on top of your industry and broadening your knowledge? Do you have the opportunity to get your hands dirty, or are you stuck in administratia? What do you find fun in your job that you can place more emphasis on?

I would challenge you to make two models of your own. First, use the first model to see where you are now and whether it fits your career stage. Then, make your own...what does your IDEAL model look like? Now, make a list of differences between the two - what needs to change in your current career so that you get to your ideal model? It's truly possible...I believe it's just a question of whether or not you're really willing to make those changes.

"Sludge" - that's a new ice cream flavor, right?

"This job is gonna be the shits."


I'd never heard him complain about work before, so Rod's comment took me by surprise. He said it as we pulled up to the Rock Springs Solid Waste Treatment Plant. Having recently been requested to submit a sludge-spreading bid on behalf of his relcamation company, we were stopping to gather details on what needed to be done.


Now, if you're anything like me, you've probably never heard of "sludge," but given the context of the waste treatment plant, you probably already have a few images coming to mind. Sludge is what's left over after solid waste has been processed and has had (most) of the liquid removed. As far as I can tell, treatment facilities all over the world have piles of this sludge and use it in a multitude of ways. Some use it as fertilizer in city parks while others ship it to China for use in children's toys (just kidding). The city of Rock Springs dries their's for a year in an empty lot before spreading it on an adjacent sagebrush field.

When we pulled up to submit the bid, we were met by Mike, the plant supevisor. I introduced myself and shook his hand. He started out by explaining that he's one of the few people who can go to bathroom in the morning, look down in the bowl, and say "see you at work!" before flushing. The conversation was pretty much one-sided from that point on.

Mike, like a proud parent boasting about his honor student, insisted we take a tour of the facilities. That's about the time I realized that my choice in shoes (flip flops) could not have been worse that day. As he explained that they return 2.4 million gallons of treated sewage water to Bitter Creek (what an ironic name that turned out to be,) raw sewage splashed on the sidewalk where we were walking. Surely looking like the sugarplum fairy out on a mid-morning stroll, I could be seen hopping over and around puddles for the duration of the 30 minute tour.


At one point in the tour, Mike showed us the final tank where the water was stored before it's redirected to the stream. As he extolled the virtues of his state-of-the-art facility, he dipped a water bottle in the tank and poured the "water" over his hands to show how clean it was. My eyes moved slowly from his dripping hands to my own. That was the first time in my life I'd ever regretted shaking someone's hand...I'll forever credit Mike with as the reason I now bow when first meeting someone.


At long last, we stepped up to a long pile of what I figured was dirt, but turned out to be the very sludge we would be working with soon thereafter. It was approximately 200 feet long, 50 feet wide, and between 3 and 4 feet tall. Mike kicked the pile and showed that the top layer was brittle and dry like dirt. But a second kick showed what we were really up against...after jiggling for a full five seconds, the pile came to rest, minus the wet chunks that had become caked into the laces and seams of his boot. As if the sights I beheld thus far weren't enough, the scent released from the pile made the hair on my neck stand on end. At that point, I figured I had two hopes for this job:
1. Rod wouldn't win the bid.


2. I'd be long-gone by the time work started.


In the following week, I learned that Rod Mines Reclamation, Inc. had been taking care of Rock Springs' sludge for over twenty years, so option 1 dissolved before it ever had the chance to materialize. As for option 2, well...I have a few theories that I'm working on, but the strongest at this point is that aunt Jan slipped a mickey in my beer one night at dinner.


Of the four days of work, I was on this project for the final two. The plan sounded like this: Rod would dump four or five buckets of sludge into the manure spreader with a front-end loader and I'd then spread it over the field. I'd be in an enclosed tractor the entire time, so I figured there really wasn't any way that I'd come into contact with any sludge. Since I wouldn't be coming in physical contact, I really probably wouldn't even notice the smell. With those two senses taken care of, I reasoned that I would be able to trick myself into believing that it was just a layer of brownie chunks that I was scattering in the field.


What I failed to take into consideration was the impact of weather. Rock Springs is in the middle of the high desert in southwest Wyoming - temperatures at this time of year are nearly 100 degrees every day and there's often not even a breath of wind. As a result, the smell was unbelievable (when I told a friend about the job I'd be doing, she optimistically suggested that maybe "treated" meant that it smelled like babies or roses or something. It was a good thought, Corey, but couldn't be further from the truth.)


Let me put it this way: think back to a time when you went to the fair or an outdoor concert on a sweltering day in July. You can only hold your breath for so long...and when you inhale for the first time, the warm damp aroma makes you wonder how other people could possibly stink so much. Now, dump enough of those outhouses upside-down on a cement pad to create a pile that would fill a grain silo, heat to a simmer, then fling it in the air while driving through the middle of it in a tractor.




I spent my time in just that scenario, spreading the pile, at somewhere between 4 and 5 miles per hour from 7 in the morning to 5 in the evening. My biggest fear was that I'd get a flat tire in the middle of the field. I had waking nightmares about the possibilities: I could see my left rear tire going flat. There would be no other choice than to get out of the tractor to jack up the trailer and change it out...wading through 6 inches of rich brown sludge to get there. I'd never again go on a date, be allowed to eat in public, hold a baby, or even pet a dog. My friends would stop calling, family would have secret reunions, and I'd eventually end up Supervisor of the Rock Springs Solid Waste Treatment Facility waving bye-bye to my morning duties (or "doodies"). I didn't run over so much as a nugget of gravel the entire time.

We were told after finishing that the treatment facility received calls from unhappy Rock Springs citizens regarding the smell, so I know for a fact that I'm not exaggerating the conditions we endured. Cleaning the tractors a few days later was nearly as bad as the work itself. Rod figured that we could just spray pine scent in the air filters and get by. Rather, it just made the tractor smell like a Christmas tree had pooped in the cab. In the end, we picked up five gallons of no-stink-em spray from the waste facility, six large boxes of baking soda, two cans of aerosol spray, and six air fresheners to get the smell out. We had to wash our clothes in vinegar and have washed our shoes twice a day for nearly a week. Even after all of this, I'm not certain I'll ever be allowed to wear my shoes indoors again.

The moral of the story? First, next time you use the facilities, don't hesitate to wave goodbye before you flush. And second, if you find yourself in a Subway sandwich shop in Rock Springs, WY, take it easy on the stinky fellas that walk in behind you. There's a good chance that they wouldn't smell that way if you just ate a little healthier.